


Seishirou is Never at Home

by SLq



Series: Ring-a-ling [2]
Category: X -エックス- | X/1999
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 16:56:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6087444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SLq/pseuds/SLq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong><em>Leave a message. BEEP:</em></strong> <em>"I... might have gone a tad far. The eye-gouging was his idea though."</em></p>
<p>Fuuma calls Seishirou. A lot. The world is saved and (almost) everyone lives. </p>
<p>A story told by an answering machine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seishirou is Never at Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion-piece to "Subaru Does not Interact with Technology," featuring the messages left on Seishirou's answering machine.
> 
> Can you tell who's who? :)

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Sakurazuka-san, this is Kanoe. I have still not received your signed contract. Please fax it back as soon as possible. The clause regarding interoffice relations is negotiable."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Bring me ice-cream."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Where are you? I require ice-cream."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Did you snitch on me to Kanoe? I am _the_ KAMUI. She's a secretary. Get your priorities straight. On an unrelated topic, your opposite Star just happens to be on the same rooftop as me. You've got ten minutes and the ice cream better be good."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "I... might have gone a tad far. The eye-gouging was his idea though."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "By the way, I got a glimpse into his mind and wow, he's into some kinky stuff."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Sakurazuka-san, this is Kigai Yuuto. I am calling to respectfully request that you update your phone with a cellular device. Yatouji-chan got into a bit of a....mood when she realized she cannot contact you through BEAST. Thank you, and have a wonderful day."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "* _breathing*........*dial tone*"_

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Do you know where Daddy is? He was supposed to take me to the zoo."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "I did not call you and no, I do not want to go to the zoo with you."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "...I was not aware you had caller ID."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Sakurazuka, do you know how long it took me to find Nataku? He was in fucking _Okinawa_ by the time I caught up! I have a world to destroy and a rather limited time frame, if you don't remember. Jackass."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Hello! This is Miko Aoki with Asahi Life. I see that you have requested information regarding one of our life insurance plans. I will be happy to answer any questions you may have! Please call 0120-714-532, and mention my name. Thank you, and I look forward to speaking with you!"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "As if. Trust me, if _I_ wanted to get back at you, you'd know it."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Although the telemarketer thing is pretty good. Point to Sumeragi for original thinking."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Stop sending me food."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "I eat plenty. Just yesterday, Kamui and I went to a resta- I mean. I did. Alone. By myself. Seishirou, listen to me, if I find out that you assaulted that child-- !...* _murmured:_ * shit, I better call Kamui."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Of course I protected Kamui. Unlike you, I don't share my toys."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "And seriously, stop bitching to Kanoe. She has absolutely no power over me. Except financially."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "...In the future, talk to me and we will resolve whatever issue there is together. * _muffled_ * Kanoe! I did it! Put the fucking cable TV back on!"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Sakurazuka-san, this is Kusunagi Shiyuu. We have not had a chance to meet. I would truly like to know you better. Please call me back, and we can arrange a suitable time."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Yeah, he's been calling everybody. He's supper annoying and so. Fucking. Dull. I'd kill him, but Fate and Destiny and blah-blah. Bottom line, we need six people on the team and it's too late to recruit."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Although you might get along with him. You do have a shared interest in underage do-gooders. He is, like, ten times worse though."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Yes, I am calling you a pedophile."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "I haven't thought about it that way. I guess your KAMUI has a point."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "I am keeping an eye on Nekoi-san. And you. God help you if I find anything incriminating."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Wouldn't it be hot if Kamui-kun and your boy-toy got together? I'd pay to watch that."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "IF. I said if. There was no call to set their roof on fire. I do appreciate the initiative, though."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "I do not want to know why. I am sending you the bill for the damages, including those for Kamui's psychiatrist. Kamui is young enough to be your son. Stop acting like a jealous five-year-old!"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "We are not adopting Kamui."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "How does it _fix_ everything?"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "I AM NOT SIGNING THE DAMN ADOPTION PAPERS, SEISHIROU!"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "If you adopt Kamui, I'd be over at your place all the time, doing your son. You'd be my favorite underling."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Thank you for seeing reason, Seishirou-san. Now, please leave me alone and go die in a ditch."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Sakurazuka-san, this is Kanoe. I see you have requested a month's vacation. You do realize that it is December and we are not expecting a January, correct?"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "The fact that you want to marry Sumeragi-san is unrelated. Also, it makes no sense."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "One of your hawks dropped a ring on my balcony today. I sincerely hope it is not what I think it is."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "What part of 'die in a ditch' do you not understand?"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "You do know we are the bad guys, right? You could just kidnap him and be done with it. Not that I am condoning sabotage of the Doomsday plan. Because I am not. At all."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Although... I haven't had a chance to go to the beach yet, what with the cold weather and all... And I hear Europe's pretty nice..."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "How is us getting married going to save the world, exactly?"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "...Prove it."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Well yeah, I still feel like killing people. Just, maybe not all of them? I could settle for only offing people that annoy me."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "No."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Fiiiine. Terrible people like me only. That good enough for your stuck-up princess?"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "...Okay. One unexplained earthquake, and the deal is off, mind you."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Kamui found out. You may want to ward your place. Or move to Hokkaido."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "I cannot leave Japan! As the head of the clan, I must remain within national borders. So do you, by the way."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Nekoi-san wants to be a flower girl. I trust Kusunagi-san will not be in attendance?"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Yeah, the bore's out. Went right out the window, down thirteen floors, and into the ground. Fun times."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Nataku wants to be a flower girl. Have Sumeragi send over Nekoi's contact information so they can coordinate dresses or something."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "Fuck if I know what gender Nataku is."

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "So... are you adopting Kamui-kun or not?"

**Leave a message. BEEP:** "WE ARE NOT ADOPTING KAMUI, SEISHIROU! NO, NOT EVEN IF HE IS OKAY WITH IT!"


End file.
